This Can't be Healthy...
Being newly single has led me to realize what I didn't miss about being single: the constant pressure to not be single. Whether it's your friends or your mother or the random guy in a bar, everyone expects you to be with someone else. Apparently the world's harmony demands that we all be in a relationship.
I've thought of a great way to deflect the ever present questions about why I am single. I'm just going to start telling people that I'm in love with Ralph Fiennes and no man could ever compare to him. This will do one of two things: 1. convince the person I am talking to that I am a crazy stalker at which point they will politely turn away while I make a rude gesture behind their back or 2. inspire the recipient of this comment to enter into a debate with me about which movie star is more deserving of my obsessiveness. Hopefully most people chose number 1, because we all know I'm much better at making rude gestures than I am at figuring out actors. I'm proud of myself for actually seeing 4 movies in the past month. That's more than I usually see in a year!
The good thing about being single currently is that I have signed myself up to compete in the VanVleck Moot Court Competition. Obviously I had way too much free time on my hands and felt that cramming a lot of research and writing into the next 4 weeks would be a good idea. Paired with that brilliance was the earlier inspiration I had to sell all my research and writing books. That said, I don't have time to do my reading for class much less put in the incredible amount of work it takes to find a guy that meets my standards. [note: all comments about my past relationships and standards will be censored, the 1st Amendment doesn't apply in the realm of Turpis Causa]. I will say that if you are tall, handsome, have beautiful eyes, a tattoo or 2 [no more than 4], a nice car, appreciate fine dining, tolerate science fiction movies and feel like helping me write two 8-17 page briefs in the next month I promise I could put a really good effort into thinking about dating you. Journal or Moot Court Board membership strongly encouraged.
I've thought of a great way to deflect the ever present questions about why I am single. I'm just going to start telling people that I'm in love with Ralph Fiennes and no man could ever compare to him. This will do one of two things: 1. convince the person I am talking to that I am a crazy stalker at which point they will politely turn away while I make a rude gesture behind their back or 2. inspire the recipient of this comment to enter into a debate with me about which movie star is more deserving of my obsessiveness. Hopefully most people chose number 1, because we all know I'm much better at making rude gestures than I am at figuring out actors. I'm proud of myself for actually seeing 4 movies in the past month. That's more than I usually see in a year!
The good thing about being single currently is that I have signed myself up to compete in the VanVleck Moot Court Competition. Obviously I had way too much free time on my hands and felt that cramming a lot of research and writing into the next 4 weeks would be a good idea. Paired with that brilliance was the earlier inspiration I had to sell all my research and writing books. That said, I don't have time to do my reading for class much less put in the incredible amount of work it takes to find a guy that meets my standards. [note: all comments about my past relationships and standards will be censored, the 1st Amendment doesn't apply in the realm of Turpis Causa]. I will say that if you are tall, handsome, have beautiful eyes, a tattoo or 2 [no more than 4], a nice car, appreciate fine dining, tolerate science fiction movies and feel like helping me write two 8-17 page briefs in the next month I promise I could put a really good effort into thinking about dating you. Journal or Moot Court Board membership strongly encouraged.
posted by Daughter of Shylock at 10:00 PM
2 Comments:
hahaha..was this post written after our lengthy conversation?? your fast...in more ways than one, i hear. (just kidding..please dont murder me in my sleep)
Well my dear, if you check the date and time that was posted you will see it pre-dates our conversation. Thereby lending legitimacy to my comments yesterday.
Unless of course I can time travel, which I am informed the laws of physics prohibit. But you never know, I've never had much respect for "scientists."
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