What's it Like to be a Government Employee? Part Deux
Just in case you weren't paying attention the first time the federal government hired me, here's what happened the second time. I'm looking at it as proof that the government is slowly spiraling into the depths of hell the longer W is in office.
12:30: arrive at new federal “employer” sign in, get attractive red visitor badge, get scrutinized by security guard while going through the metal detector, wait for someone to escort me to where I need to be.
12:40: still waiting for someone to escort me.
12:45: someone shows up, immediately tells me I can’t get an ID badge or any passwords yet because it’s the lunch hour and the intern coordinator is out. Interestingly, my start date and time been set for over a month. Glad someone was paying attention.
12:50: get dumped off in the boss’ office, who thought I was starting yesterday, on a federal holiday, when he wasn’t even at work.
12:51: uncomfortable small talk ensues, it’s plain that despite the fact he thought I was starting yesterday they haven’t thought of anything for me to do yet. While he begins to print random manuals entitled "What Ever Attorney Should Know" I stealthily read a memo on his desk about how he needs more staff because they’re overloaded with work. Really? They couldn’t think of anything to give me?
1:00: I’m carrying my coat, bag, the aforementioned 106 page manual, 2 books of the CFR and a FCC rule book wandering my way to my luxury “office”, in the corner of the hallway. No cubicle for interns, they can't be trusted. Let's put them out in the hallway so we can make sure they're really working and not stealing anything.
1:05-1:15: watch as boss can’t figure out why I don’t have a working computer, phone or a chair.
1:20: a chair appears, phone & computer are still useless
1:21: boss gives up, tells me to start reading the manual and he’ll get someone to come by and fix everything else
1:22-2:15: read silently by myself, in the corner of the hallway periodically interrupted by people introducing themselves to me and fielding questions about why I’m sitting in the hall.
2:15: person in the cubicle closest to me comes back from lunch, takes me on a tour of the cafeteria.
2:30: back at my desk, telephone works now, I set up my voicemail
2:40: Attorney #1 stops by, tells me how to get to his office, tells me to stop by at my convenience to get some work to do.
2:42: I can finally go get my ID badge, take a terrible picture for said badge, person printing my badge has botched it, the ink hadn't dried yet, so I now have a large purple splotch over my face, but they're not going to redo it since I'm a temporary intern. Get a dorky lanyard complete with retractable key chain so I can look like an official employee. I'm informed that since they aren’t running a background check on me I can't be trusted, so I can't bring my laptop with me and I have to walk through the metal detectors every day.
3:00: back to my “desk” still no computer password. Wander off to Attorney #1's office, get assignments. Was offered a tangerine and when I declined he responded “I’m not going to offer you a treat every day, it’s not going to be like hey little girl do you want some fruit?” at which point I was very confused and tried to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible.
3:20: back to my “desk” computer person has shown up, managed to spell my name wrong on everything, the network, email, pretty much anywhere your name appears on a computer.
3:30: on the phone with the “help desk” they’ll get back to me.
3:45-5:00: 6 phone calls and 10 emails later, name spelled right on the network, still wrong on email. Good thing no one has any work for me to do since I would never get an email about it. Guess I should be happy they got it right on my ID badge.
5:00: give up and head back to school hoping the Metro isn't too packed
5:20: pick up desperately needed Starbucks, only the people at Starbucks are idiots and it takes 10 minutes to get a latte and I have to tell the cashier how much change he owes me because he couldn't understand what the register was telling him.
5:30: walk to school, waste time wandering around, calling people and complaining about the government.
5:45: get to class, it doesn’t start for 15 minutes and some bitch is in my seat. So I sit next to her and proceed to have a conversation across her with my friend, who is now 2 seats away. Said bitch proceeds to ask me to throw out my snack because it has a strong smell. Because I pretty much ate an apple and a granola bar all day I rolled my eyes at her and told her I would dispose of it during the break. That should teach her to not sit in my seat next week.
6:00 – 8:00: sit bored in class and write this blog entry.
12:30: arrive at new federal “employer” sign in, get attractive red visitor badge, get scrutinized by security guard while going through the metal detector, wait for someone to escort me to where I need to be.
12:40: still waiting for someone to escort me.
12:45: someone shows up, immediately tells me I can’t get an ID badge or any passwords yet because it’s the lunch hour and the intern coordinator is out. Interestingly, my start date and time been set for over a month. Glad someone was paying attention.
12:50: get dumped off in the boss’ office, who thought I was starting yesterday, on a federal holiday, when he wasn’t even at work.
12:51: uncomfortable small talk ensues, it’s plain that despite the fact he thought I was starting yesterday they haven’t thought of anything for me to do yet. While he begins to print random manuals entitled "What Ever Attorney Should Know" I stealthily read a memo on his desk about how he needs more staff because they’re overloaded with work. Really? They couldn’t think of anything to give me?
1:00: I’m carrying my coat, bag, the aforementioned 106 page manual, 2 books of the CFR and a FCC rule book wandering my way to my luxury “office”, in the corner of the hallway. No cubicle for interns, they can't be trusted. Let's put them out in the hallway so we can make sure they're really working and not stealing anything.
1:05-1:15: watch as boss can’t figure out why I don’t have a working computer, phone or a chair.
1:20: a chair appears, phone & computer are still useless
1:21: boss gives up, tells me to start reading the manual and he’ll get someone to come by and fix everything else
1:22-2:15: read silently by myself, in the corner of the hallway periodically interrupted by people introducing themselves to me and fielding questions about why I’m sitting in the hall.
2:15: person in the cubicle closest to me comes back from lunch, takes me on a tour of the cafeteria.
2:30: back at my desk, telephone works now, I set up my voicemail
2:40: Attorney #1 stops by, tells me how to get to his office, tells me to stop by at my convenience to get some work to do.
2:42: I can finally go get my ID badge, take a terrible picture for said badge, person printing my badge has botched it, the ink hadn't dried yet, so I now have a large purple splotch over my face, but they're not going to redo it since I'm a temporary intern. Get a dorky lanyard complete with retractable key chain so I can look like an official employee. I'm informed that since they aren’t running a background check on me I can't be trusted, so I can't bring my laptop with me and I have to walk through the metal detectors every day.
3:00: back to my “desk” still no computer password. Wander off to Attorney #1's office, get assignments. Was offered a tangerine and when I declined he responded “I’m not going to offer you a treat every day, it’s not going to be like hey little girl do you want some fruit?” at which point I was very confused and tried to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible.
3:20: back to my “desk” computer person has shown up, managed to spell my name wrong on everything, the network, email, pretty much anywhere your name appears on a computer.
3:30: on the phone with the “help desk” they’ll get back to me.
3:45-5:00: 6 phone calls and 10 emails later, name spelled right on the network, still wrong on email. Good thing no one has any work for me to do since I would never get an email about it. Guess I should be happy they got it right on my ID badge.
5:00: give up and head back to school hoping the Metro isn't too packed
5:20: pick up desperately needed Starbucks, only the people at Starbucks are idiots and it takes 10 minutes to get a latte and I have to tell the cashier how much change he owes me because he couldn't understand what the register was telling him.
5:30: walk to school, waste time wandering around, calling people and complaining about the government.
5:45: get to class, it doesn’t start for 15 minutes and some bitch is in my seat. So I sit next to her and proceed to have a conversation across her with my friend, who is now 2 seats away. Said bitch proceeds to ask me to throw out my snack because it has a strong smell. Because I pretty much ate an apple and a granola bar all day I rolled my eyes at her and told her I would dispose of it during the break. That should teach her to not sit in my seat next week.
6:00 – 8:00: sit bored in class and write this blog entry.
posted by Daughter of Shylock at 10:18 AM
1 Comments:
Wow! It's like I was there with you every minute. I expect a detailed journal of every single day you work. Every. Single. You rock.
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