Convention Crashers....

My recent experience crashing a medical school convention has taught me a few things:

Rule #1: Have a back story. This is important so that when asked where you go to school you don't turn to the person next to you (who doesn't go to medical school either) and say "uh" so that she must quickly fill in with a random school. Make sure you say you're with a group that's actually at the convention. See if you can score a name tag.

• What to do if this happens: start rubbing your temples and say "it's been a long day." If you're crashing a convention it's always a good idea to pretend like you've attended the other scheduled activities.
  

Rule #2: Sit with the most exuberant table during the raffle. Most likely they are drunk and won't realize you're not actually part of the convention group. They'll be friendly too and share their raffle items with you.

Rule #3: Free swag, get it. You must feign interest in the exhibitors and whatever B.S. program they are trying to sell you. Ask key questions: where are you located? what kind of a time commitment is required? What do you look for in an applicant? How soon should I apply?

Rule #4: Go for quality, not quantity. Don't just pick up the free key chain because it's free. I mean what are you going to do with 10 key chains? T-shirts & pens are always good, unique items like dental floss are always good, and always pick up the coffee mugs. You can never have too many coffee mugs. See if you can swap unique or popular swag items, it's totally kosher.

Rule #5: They always give the microphone to at least one drunk person, laugh along, you'll seem like a good spirited person, getting yourself invited to whatever social event is occurring afterwards.

Rule #6: Take advantage of all free food and booze, in moderation. You can't get too drunk, you don't want to give yourself away, however, a slight buzz is always good for meeting people.

Rule #7: Eavesdrop, what functions are going on tomorrow? When? Now that you've already got yourself in, try to take advantage the next day too. You're practically part of the group, you've got face recognition now!

Rule #8: Close the deal, tell everyone it was so nice to meet them, isn't it great they have these conventions and that you hope to see them all next year!

Now that I know the rules, I think I've found a new full time occupation. Screw this law school crap, I can eat & drink for free, I'll never have to go close shopping again, and I'll always have a pen. What more do you need in life?