Sunday, July 30, 2006

"You Look Bored"

"That's because I am."

This is how I met Steve, biomedical engineer, from - of all places - Binghampton. That's right. Somehow looking bored and stand-offish in bar attracted the attention of a guy from my neck of the woods, New York. Now mind you, I was bored and being my miserable, why the heck did I go out, self in Adams Morgan, so I responded to all his questions with one word answers. But that nice guy from Binghampton thing (or a lot of beer) made him persistent. It took him 5 minutes to extract from me that I was from Buffalo - that's a lot of questions with one word answers. Seriously, guys normally give up/take a hint by that point. In any event he wasn't too put off to ask that if I didn't feel it was too forward would I like to grab a drink next week. And at that point, he got brownie points for being from Binghampton and for not being sketchy - unlike the crazy guys standing 2 feet away from us the entire night. What's makes this funny though is the minute after we exchanged phone numbers, Steve turns around and starts groping the girl next to him! That's some game. Wonder if she was bored too?

Monday, July 10, 2006

ISO ... a birthday gift

Sought:

Personal assistant with an
umbrella and a cup of coffee ready at all times. Must be ready & willing to play backgammon at a moment's notice. Will need to wash & gas my car when needed. Should be familiar with technology and open-minded about music . Must be able to keep track of appointments and adept at scheduling time for the important things in life. No experience necessary.

* If I do actually get a personal assistant for my birthday I would love you forever!.

Monday, July 03, 2006

So that's what the handwriting on the wall says...

In my quest for self-realization I took a handwriting analysis test. If you know me, this is creepy.


For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Daughter of Shylock ("DoS") has no white space or margins on a typical sheet of paper. DoS fills up every last inch on the top, right, left, and bottom. Hmmm. If this is true, then DoS has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if DoS just comes into someone's home and helps herself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, DoS finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when she was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.


DoS has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, DoS's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination DoS has regarding sex and physical things. So, her lower zone stroke is large, so her sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, DoS is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.


DoS has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.




DoS is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.


DoS is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. She finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. DoS basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.


In reference to DoS's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When she slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. DoS can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.


Diplomacy is one of DoS's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. DoS can disagree without being disagreeable.


DoS will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!


DoS will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. DoS believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.


DoS uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when DoS does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. DoS will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. DoS is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"


People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, DoS doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.



So according to this analysis: I am cold hearted , aggressive, practical, and have an interesting sex life. And - don't get on my bad side. Huh - who knew??? :)

Saturday, July 01, 2006

You thought I was pissed off last week....

OK there is a reason I don't talk to my exes. They're assholes. Case in point: the following letter I received today from Ex #3.

Dear Daughter of Shylock:

I'm sure you have chosen not to speak to me for some valid reason, and I can accept that. [Really? You think? Do you think it might have anything to do with the fact that you're a jerk? That you came between me & one of my close friends? That perhaps you've never grown up? I'm glad you can accept that, because I got over years ago, approximately 5 minutes after we broke up]
However, I feel the need to to have one-ended conversations with you on occasion in an attempt to keep in touch. [I'm happy to see your English skills haven't advanced any in 6 years and apparently you don't understand the concept of staying in touch, sad.]

We might not be part of each other's present or future lives, but we share a common past that directed us to the present. [Yes, I've learned that any guy who buys you a car muffler for Valentine's Day deserves to be punished, and will only disappoint you. Thank you for that, I'm glad we got to share that common past]

I have not a clue what you think of me anymore (if you think of me ever), and I have no idea who you have grown to be. [OK no, I don't think of you, I have a happily functional life without thinking of you. I'm not one to waste my time worrying about where idiots are now.]

I then got a "brief"update on his life that lasted another page and a half. WTF??? First of all, how did he get my address here? When I sent out change of address cards, he certainly was not on the list. Second, why the sudden need to include me in his still wasteful and incredibly trite life? I've got better things to do with 2 minutes of my life than read this ridiculous letter, which came folded up like the notes you pass in high school. Mature.

Despite the fact that I have ignored every form of communication he's sent me in the past few months, I have a feeling I might not be able to control myself this time. I feel a scathing letter about the state of his mind and manhood coming on. If you're going to try to keep the lines of communication open, be ready for the shit storm when you contact people who want nothing to do with you.

All of my other exes should take note, don't bother me. I don't have time for you, and you don't want to hear what I have to say about you - because it isn't nice.