So Easily Amused

In order to keep my wandering mind from driving me nuts I have resorted to reading amusing legal opinions. I highly recommend the following: Pennsylvania v. Gosselin, 861 A. 2d 996 (P.A. Super. 2004). As just a tease here is my favorite part of the opinion:

"Dark clouds began to gather, however, in November, 2002, when Appellant's husband phoned the Pennsylvania Game Commission concerning a hunter whom he and Appellant believed was hunting near an area on their property where they had set out food for deer.... Appellant and her husband requested that the Game Officer further investigate the poaching of the deer. The Officer refused to do so, but when he spotted Nutkin in her room-sized enclosure, he advised Appellant that it was a violation of the law to keep Nutkin in this manner. The Game Officer acknowledged that the squirrel was too old and too tame to be released to the wild (A situation akin to that of an old appellate judge, like the undersigned, attempting to return to the boiling cauldron of the trial court after being tamed by years of peace and quiet above the fray. Chances of survival of both species are poor.)" Id. at 997-98.

It's worth your time to read the rest of it, besides don't you want those Westlaw Reward points? You only need 15,000 to get an IPod Nano!

Have You Ever Been So Tired That You Are Wide Awake?

After spending 9 hours straight working on a brief I should be ready to go to bed. Unfortunately I have drunk so much coffee in the past three days to keep me awake for a week straight. Thus I am currently watching Lock, Stock & something.... I don't even know what the name of the movie is, but I'm pretty sure that all Guy Ritchie movies have the same premise. And the same actors. Mind you, I find a British accent attractive, but I could take all the characters in this movie and add a few plot twists and Brad Pitt and you end up with Snatch. I liked Snatch better. At least I understood most of what happened in Snatch. To understand Sting's role in this movie I had to watch the special features. And the makeup artist went a little crazy with everyone's makeup.

But now it is 11 o'clock and since it's pretty boring drinking by yourself I have run out of things to do to make myself go to sleep. Wonder if I have any Nyquill left? Or maybe I could just drink more coffee and stay up all night to catch up on all the reading I neglected to do this week since I've been working on this brief all week. Huh, that doesn't sound fun at all? What's a girl to do when she's sitting home alone on a Friday night?

Don't Get Your Emmys in a Bunch!!

Note to self: while watching the Emmys with people who take awards shows seriously do not turn the volume way up on your computer when listening to new ring tones that you can download onto your cell phone, so that when aforementioned people call you will be amused. Apparently that's just not kosher. But it is totally acceptable to play fortune teller, where I am fortunate enough to learn that I will be dragged in the dirt by a black dog by my purple sock and I will be with a baby carriage.

There's this girl I know that can read futures from the bottom of soup cans, I wonder if she seems the same ominous signs in my near future.

Speaking of the future, I can't wait for Friday 8:01 p.m. At that time I will officially be done with one brief, one more to go. So actually I guess that I'm really looking forward to Friday in three weeks. Huh, that seems like a very long time. Guess I should quit complaining and just go write something related to a coherent legal brief.

OK I've learned my lesson, ashamed I go away to devote myself to being a good law student :(

Help Me!

I've discovered I know nothing about the First Amendment and therefore am completely unprepared to write a 7-20 page brief about why subliminal messages are not protected by it. Any constitutional law scholars out there able to draw some analogies for me? Anybody? No?

Great. Guess I'm going to have to rely on the age old skill of bullshitting. It's gotten me this far in life, the charm couldn't have possibly worn off yet...

This Can't be Healthy...

Being newly single has led me to realize what I didn't miss about being single: the constant pressure to not be single. Whether it's your friends or your mother or the random guy in a bar, everyone expects you to be with someone else. Apparently the world's harmony demands that we all be in a relationship.

I've thought of a great way to deflect the ever present questions about why I am single. I'm just going to start telling people that I'm in love with Ralph Fiennes and no man could ever compare to him. This will do one of two things: 1. convince the person I am talking to that I am a crazy stalker at which point they will politely turn away while I make a rude gesture behind their back or 2. inspire the recipient of this comment to enter into a debate with me about which movie star is more deserving of my obsessiveness. Hopefully most people chose number 1, because we all know I'm much better at making rude gestures than I am at figuring out actors. I'm proud of myself for actually seeing 4 movies in the past month. That's more than I usually see in a year!

The good thing about being single currently is that I have signed myself up to compete in the VanVleck Moot Court Competition. Obviously I had way too much free time on my hands and felt that cramming a lot of research and writing into the next 4 weeks would be a good idea. Paired with that brilliance was the earlier inspiration I had to sell all my research and writing books. That said, I don't have time to do my reading for class much less put in the incredible amount of work it takes to find a guy that meets my standards. [note: all comments about my past relationships and standards will be censored, the 1st Amendment doesn't apply in the realm of Turpis Causa]. I will say that if you are tall, handsome, have beautiful eyes, a tattoo or 2 [no more than 4], a nice car, appreciate fine dining, tolerate science fiction movies and feel like helping me write two 8-17 page briefs in the next month I promise I could put a really good effort into thinking about dating you. Journal or Moot Court Board membership strongly encouraged.

Dear Creative Friend (you know who you are!)

I formally request more CDs. The Class of '98 and Disco CDs have gone over quite well. My lack of creativity has lead me to realize that I am not the music master that you are. Please send your future creative endeavors to my attention via the US Mail.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Daughter of Shylock

Hurricane Katrina

Hurricane Katrina has hit the Gulf Coast pretty hard. While all of the news channels are letting you know what's going on, there is always another story. I have a close personal friend who's family has lost everything. They are safe, thank goodness and not in the SuperDome, even better, but everything they once owned is either under water or just completely gone. I can't even imagine not being able to return home or losing everything I own.

Of course insurance covers some things but insurance companies will not rebuild the cities destroyed in Mississippi, Alabama and Louisiana. Many of the people displaced by Katrina will never be able to return to the places their homes once stood.

This is potentially the worst natural disaster in the history of this country. We all have a duty to help our fellow citizens. Please donate money, donate blood, volunteer. Do something. Please make sure that if you aren't donating the through the Red Cross that your money is going directly to the survivors.

Please help our sister states rebuild. Remind America why this is the best place country to live and be a good neighbor.