SWF ISO SM...

According to my count I have officially spent enough time being single. Since I broke up with the ex as a birthday gift to myself, I've spent a good enough time enjoying all those things that come with being single. Spending my weekends in my pajamas, drinking beer and playing video games, just because I can.

This said, summer is arriving soon and that seems to be just about the right time to be in a couple. I mean, it's always nice to have someone carry your beach towel for you right?

If you'd like to apply, I have a few disclaimers which you must read and accept before continuing through the process.

First, here's what a few online "personality tests" say about me, just so you know what you're getting into:

1. Myers-Briggs: I'm an INTJ, thus I am an "idea" person. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. See full description here.

2. Starbucks Oracle: I am a Schmuck: "You work your ass off because you're obsessed with money and status. You're always lying about having powerful friends. You wouldn't mind sleeping your way to the top but would miss getting to backstab coworkers along the way. All porn stars drink venti skim vanilla latte. Also drinks: $15 martinis

3. Simpsons Character I'm Most Like: Lisa Simpson. No explanation needed.

4. Personality Defect Test: I am the Haughty Intellectual. You are a very rational person, emphasizing logic over emotion, and you are also rather arrogant and self-aggrandizing. You probably think of yourself as an intellectual, and you would like everyone to know it. Not only that, but you also tend to look down on others, thinking yourself better than them. You could possibly have an unhealthy obsession with yourself as well, thus causing everyone to hate you for being such an elitist twat. On top of all that, you are also introverted and gentle. This means that you are just a quiet thinker who wants fame and recognition, in all likelihood. Rather lacking in emotion, introspective, gentle, and arrogant, you are most certainly a Haughty Intellectual! And, most likely, you will never achieve the recognition or fame you so desire! Sweet!

Now, time for your requirements: you must be patient, intelligent, and love dogs. Punctuality is a plus, don't listen to GQ. I'm usually pretty picky, but right now I'm tired so I can't think of the rest of the things I'd like in a man. Maybe that's just a sign of desperation. Anyways, send in your apps, I promise to give them all a fair evaluation.

Brilliant, but not so Talented

In my recent quest to update my music library I happened upon Panic! At the Disco's album: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. While they sound like an updated version of the Bare Naked Ladies [not a compliment] I'm mentioning them for their sheer brilliance in song titles. For instance: "The Only Difference Between Suicide and Martyrdom is Press Coverage;" "I Write Sins Not Tragedies;" "There's a Reason the Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of it Yet;""I Thank God Constantly for Esteban;" and my personal favorite "Build God, Then We'll Talk."

I'm intrigued by Napster's Personal Recommendations for me. Now y'all know my taste in music, so you'll find this list amusing: Some Hearts - Carrie Underwood; The Emancipation of Mimi - Mariah Carey; #1's - Destiny's Child; I Am Me - Ashley Simpson; The Best of Tha Del Funkee Homosapien - self explanatory; Enormous Members' Club - Brooks.

Apparently Napster thinks I like techno, reggae, and chicks. Boy are they ever wrong. Let's take a look at my list of recent downloads: Rain Fall Down - Rolling Stones; Soul Shaker - Big & Rich; Bom Bom Bom - The Living Things. If anything, Napster should be recommending a bunch of old fogey bands and country. They should hire Google to work on their recommendations. At least the ads I get with my email are slightly content based.

I heart Buffalo

Do you know what I'm doing right now, as we speak? [as I type and you eventually later read] Eating Beef on Weck. That's right, true to life, down home Bufflao food. Thanks to my soon to be very successful friend over at Woman Speaks the Truth I am eating possibly the best food combination ever, beef, salty roll, horseradish and gravy. Now all we need is some hot wings, some sponge candy and loganberry pop. Hmm... this is something I can search for online during class next weekend when I am not paying attention. This could lead to a Buffalo night at my place... anybody up for it?

Reflections on Accomplishing Nothing

Spring Break is over and what have I accomplished?

Let's review my goals:
Catch up on school work - not accomplished
Visit 3 art galleries - done!
See the baby panda at the zoo - not accomplished
Get a massage - not accomplished
Wander around Georgetown - not accomplished
Go to Eastern Market - not accomplished

Bottom Line: Spring Break was a bust. I spent a lot of the week in malls and hung over. Which I guess also means I spent a lot of time drinking too. Leading to a rumor that I am drunk 14 hours out of the day on a regular basis. Apparently I will be subjected to random sobriety tests when school starts again on Monday. Of course I did sleep a lot, which was necessary. Otherwise I might have had that nervous breakdown you're all taking bets on. Tomorrow I will study. I promise. There will be no leaving the house until I've caught up in at least 2 classes. [Unless of course, it's beautiful outside again and I have the urge to spend more money!]

Reason #7854 why I need to quit my weekend job

Incompetent managers who think it's OK to show up to work 2 hours late without telling anyone because they had to go to church. For those of you in the know, on Sundays we don't open until noon. My first problem with a manager showing up at 1 p.m. on a Sunday? They're supposed to get there at 11 AM to get payroll done and open the store. My second problem? There are only 3 people scheduled to work on Sundays anyways, and really we need at least 4. For some reason, Sundays are busy days in the retail world. Third problem? It's incredibly inconsiderate to put two associates who you supervise in the position of being overworked and overwhelmed, and then not paid on time because you came in too late to get payroll done.

I completely respect people for having faith and I understand that some commitments come before work, but you can't tell me there isn't an early service or that you can't make Sunday one of your regular days off if you want to go to church. A retail job isn't that inflexible, I have set days off, I'm sure managers can too.

Needless to say I had an absolutely miserable Sunday since I spent an hour doing the work of 3 people, then spent the next 5 hours at work doing the work of 2 people since it was incredibly busy. Of course, to add insult to injury, my manager had the gall to ask me if I could stay late to help her clean up. At this point I lost it and went off on a rant about people coming in late and putting associates and our customers in a difficult situation. Then I got a lecture about what it means to go to church and that work isn't everything. Of course, this completely escalated the situation, since I am the last person who needs a lecture about work being the least important thing. I work 2 days a week at this job, but I have a better work ethic than someone who gets paid twice what I do to shuffle paper. Give me a break. At this point I threatened to quit if this was going to keep up, I don't need to pull the weight of 2 people during the weekends, it would be nice to have my weekends off. So I've got next weekend off [planned] we'll see how this works out in two weeks. Cross your fingers! Maybe I really will quit!!!

Spring Break is for?

Relaxing right? That's good, because I'm pretty sure that's where my week is headed. So far during the first day of spring break, I've gone shopping because I thought my place needed a spring update and came home with 2 sweaters, placemats, candles, hangers, shelves, and Girl Scout cookies. I mean, what's spring without Girl Scout cookies??? I've got great plans for Spring Break, I'm going to hit up at least 3 art galleries and catch up on my "culture," I'm going to go to the Zoo to see the baby panda, I'm going to get a massage, I'm going to wander aimlessly around Georgetown just to see what's there, I'm going to go to Eastern Market. Long story short, I'm going to explore all the stuff in DC I haven't seen in the past year I've lived here.

Now, do you think I did any of this today? When the sun was out and it was almost not miserable to walk around outside? Oh no, the sweet call of TV and video games kept me indoors after my shopping excursion. I made a very impulse purchase a couple weeks ago, the Atari Collection for PS2, when I walked past a Sam Goody store that was closing. After playing about 6 different games in 20 minutes I've decided I missed the Atari craze when I was little. I'm from the Super Mario Bros. generation. I must be spoiled, there are better graphics on my cell phone than there are on this Atari collection. I think that when I used to play Snood on my TI-83 in high school it looked better. Give me Tekken 4 any day of the week. The fake violence is calming and mindless. I miss the days when you could just sit in front of the TV and play video games until your eyes hurt. Admittedly this only occurred when I had a full-time job, not when I was in school. But now I've got a whole week to ruin my eyesight!

It's now 10:30 on the first night of my week off and I'm completely bored. Good thing I'm going to work tomorrow! That'll give me something to do! Wait you say, aren't you on spring break? Why yes, I am, but you know me, I am psychologically incapable of taking an entire week off from school and work. Thus I am working 4 out of the 10 days I don't have to be at school. That's not too bad is it? I mean, it's less than half of my break right? And right after that I'll get back to my cultural education!!