Ante Up...

So this is the time of the year where I normally bore you with what I think I may have learned in the past year. However, since I still have 2 exams and at least one more opportunity to get trashed with a bunch of law school people, I think I'm going to hold off.

However, there is one issue we need to settle now. Pay up. I made it through the semester without having that nervous breakdown you all predicted. So those of you who placed bets on how long it would take should fork your money over to me, since technically I won. Ha, I may be exhausted and sleep deprived, but I did it. You owe me.

Convention Crashers....

My recent experience crashing a medical school convention has taught me a few things:

Rule #1: Have a back story. This is important so that when asked where you go to school you don't turn to the person next to you (who doesn't go to medical school either) and say "uh" so that she must quickly fill in with a random school. Make sure you say you're with a group that's actually at the convention. See if you can score a name tag.

• What to do if this happens: start rubbing your temples and say "it's been a long day." If you're crashing a convention it's always a good idea to pretend like you've attended the other scheduled activities.
  

Rule #2: Sit with the most exuberant table during the raffle. Most likely they are drunk and won't realize you're not actually part of the convention group. They'll be friendly too and share their raffle items with you.

Rule #3: Free swag, get it. You must feign interest in the exhibitors and whatever B.S. program they are trying to sell you. Ask key questions: where are you located? what kind of a time commitment is required? What do you look for in an applicant? How soon should I apply?

Rule #4: Go for quality, not quantity. Don't just pick up the free key chain because it's free. I mean what are you going to do with 10 key chains? T-shirts & pens are always good, unique items like dental floss are always good, and always pick up the coffee mugs. You can never have too many coffee mugs. See if you can swap unique or popular swag items, it's totally kosher.

Rule #5: They always give the microphone to at least one drunk person, laugh along, you'll seem like a good spirited person, getting yourself invited to whatever social event is occurring afterwards.

Rule #6: Take advantage of all free food and booze, in moderation. You can't get too drunk, you don't want to give yourself away, however, a slight buzz is always good for meeting people.

Rule #7: Eavesdrop, what functions are going on tomorrow? When? Now that you've already got yourself in, try to take advantage the next day too. You're practically part of the group, you've got face recognition now!

Rule #8: Close the deal, tell everyone it was so nice to meet them, isn't it great they have these conventions and that you hope to see them all next year!

Now that I know the rules, I think I've found a new full time occupation. Screw this law school crap, I can eat & drink for free, I'll never have to go close shopping again, and I'll always have a pen. What more do you need in life?

Summer '06 Here We Come

This year, I'm getting t-shirts made and we're going to wear them everywhere! Here's the list of this summer's goals,** if you're interested in joining up, you know who to contact, expect a flurry of reply to all emails. Join now and receive a special bonus!*

• See the Aquarium in Baltimore
• Visit the National Cathedral
• Make it to Eastern Market
• Wander around Old Town
• Go to the Zoo? (How did that make the list? Been there, done that)
• Shakespeare in the Park, with better planning than last year
• See a movie on the Mall
• See a movie at the NGA
• Taste of DC
• Restaraunt Week, when everybody can make it
• Dancing at the Kennedy Center, there will be a camera involved
• Eat at the Rooftop Terrace at the Kennedy Center a la Rachel Ray
• Go shopping at the Leesburg Corner Premium Outlets
• Beach trip to North Carolina!!

Update #1: add to your schedules: horseback riding & country line dancing. You know you want to! [4/29/06]


*Special bonus offer to be determined by the Board of Directors of Summer '06 and is contingent on demand and supply. The Board reserves the right to substitute special bonuses of lesser value than the originally offered product or service.

** This list is subject to change at any time, at the discretion of the Board. Suggestions will be considered, and most likely rejected, but don't hesitate to send them in!

Baby don't you know I'm a real soul shaker?

Have you ever thought that your life would be much better if you were living in a country song?

For instance, right about now I could use a guy who's not too good at love out loud, but will do anything to see me smile, and who would go crazy without me, because he needs a woman's touch.

Every once in awhile he'll saddle up his horse & ride into the city, he'll make a lotta noise, cuz the girls they are so pretty, but when he comes home I'll say "cowboy, take me away." He'd comply because we need wide open spaces, if he's going to write my number on the 50 yard line. We would run away to somewhere between Texas and Mexico to trade 20 margaritas for some moonshine, even though Jose Cuervo's a friend of mine. Because there's no mystery about why he surrenders to me, I think his tractor's sexy (because I want to save a horse and ride a cowboy.)

He'd never be like Earl, you know I'd never lose any sleep at night if he was, 'cuz he ain't worth missin'. If he was a regular, original, know-it-all, it wouldn't impress me much.

But when the right cowboy came around, we'd talk about my heart, my brains and my smarts, because talking about me makes him grin. Occasionally we'd talk about him-him-him, even though he didn't even listen to a word I said. He's always looking for a little less talk and a lot more action.

I'd always love the way he loved me; he'd hate to see me go, but love to watch me leave, with that honkeytonkbadonkadonk. (Best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun!) I'd always come back though and swear to him that I'm going to wrap him up in love like a hurricane and blow him away. I ain't gonna be just another heart breaker, baby don't you know I'm a real soul shaker?

Protestors put me in a bad mood.

I almost told someone on the Metro today to take the First Amendment and shove it. Then I looked at the very large flag on the very large pole he was carrying and I thought I should avoid a confrontation. I can't imagine getting beaten with a flag pole is an enjoyable experience.

First of all, who organizes a protest that lasts less than 2 hours? WTF? The immigration protest was supposed to start at 3:30 today and by the time I left work today people leaving the protest were flooding the Metro. To top this wonderful development off, Metro had turned the escalators off, so I had to pick my way veeeerrrryyy slowly down the stairs following children and old people who simply did not understand that this was rush hour and I needed to be somewhere. I don't know enough about the new immigration law to say anything thoughtful, but obviously it's not that big of a deal if the protest only lasts an hour and a half. They won't even get live coverage on the evening news!

Reassuringly however, there was a large security presence in the Metro station, which was nice to see since I've adopted an irrational distrust of everyone on the Metro this week. It's spring break and protest time so the Metro is filled with tourists and idealists. Neither of whom understand that people just trying to get back and forth to work take the Metro, that it isn't a tourist attraction, and we aren't amused by your children swinging around the poles and falling over.

Look at that, I've turned into a jaded Washingtonian! I'm going to take this new irritated, annoyed and better than you, what the hell are you doing on my Metro attitude with me everywhere I go this week just to see how many tourists I can convince that Washingtonians are rude.

Where Are You People?

I am sitting in what is potentially the most boring class I have ever taken. And that's saying a lot since I've taken about 4 semesters of Constitutional Law. Nobody is on AIM, nobody's on Google Talk. I've read all my email, deleted all my spam. I've run out of things to do. Why do you all have better things to do besides be online and talk to me? It's totally unfair. I might start clicking on random links on Google's advertising. Or I could start Googling all of you. This is what you get for not being around when I'm bored. I'm going to start posting random mean things on your myspace pages. Hahahahaha.